So Kiss Me Hard [entries|friends|calendar] randal ace milliard [ website | myspace ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(3 saw me | defy gravity) Dear LJ [06 Mar 2006|08:18pm] [ music | "legalize it" sean paul ] So today was good. One step closer to being less shady. It's kinda funny actually, being considered that, because I never really saw myself like that. But I guess you can't really precieve yourself, it's kinda something others do to you. I got a shirt yesterday, It says, in all white-pop-out letters "Shady." I got it as a joke really, but now I'm thinking for no reason. (sorry this sounded better in my head). I'm asking myself, "am i shady?" Sure, I sold pot. Sure, I've stolen clothes from the mall, I drive a little red car that has a really loud system. Are those characteristics of a shady person? I hope not, but they probably are. Fuck I dont wanna be shady. I forget to call people back all the time, and it pisses them off. My frieds know to just keep calling me, and that sometimes pisses me off, but the truth is i probably wouldnt call them back if they didnt. Either way, someone loses. Okay, I know, you just wasted 2 minutes of you life reading that, sorry. So here's my questoin to you: AM I SHADY?

(8 saw me | defy gravity) Here i am again... [27 Feb 2006|05:56pm] So it's been a crazy year. Honestly a little too crazy, and by little I a lot. The last week I have slowed myself down, and I figure that I should start writing again. What a better place to start than my old LJ. So in the last year... I started smoking weed every day of my life. I would sit on my front porch and just be a straight up pot head. Didn't think there was anything wrong with it, and to be honest there really isn't. I dont regret it, I wouldn't be here now if I hadn't. Too many memories and friends were made. Too many loves and losses. From smoking every day, it was a simple yet obvious next step. Start selling weed. Why not do what I love (smoke pot) and get paid for it. I wont lie, it was fucking tight for a while. Having hundreds of dollars in cash on you is a good feeling, but it was stupid, and I admit that. I have been an asshole to a lot of girls this last year, and im sorry for it. I love you all, and hope you can forgive me, you know who you are. I stopped caring about theatre, the one thing that made me feel accepted freshman year. Theatre is a part of my family, and my love for it has been found. It was hidden in the back of my head, behind some cannibus trees. I lied every day. To my parents, to my friends, to my teachers. Said whatever I had to, to make the situation better at the moment. My priorities were fucked up. Smoking a joint in my car in the school parking lot was funny to do, concience didn't even come into play. How many times i ditched chemistry or math to smoke a blunt with my friends is beyond my count. School was a joke to me, something | went to (on occasion) inbetween partying. Honestly couldn't tell what moment I decided to change, because I have been thinking about it for months. Thats the worst part, i knew i was out of control and didn't care. I thought I was untouchable, I'm so lucky noting happened. Fuck I really dont know what to say. There are so many thoughts going on in my head, what to include in this is beyond me. I just wanna lay it all out. From the first day of summer in 2005 till about a week ago, there were probably 20 full days or less that I didn't smoke. Thats the truth! I'm not trying to brag, because thats just fucking dumb. But I'm back now, still smoking on occasions, but I'm happy to be changed. I went to the gym today with Brice. Came home and ate dinner with my family for the first time in months. Sat in the backyard and we had a bonfire. I've missed these days. I plan on writing almost every day again, and I'd love to hear what people think about this. It's good to be back.

(3 saw me | defy gravity) online school- y doesnt she just tell me i did a shitty job? [22 Nov 2005|01:00am] An E-mail from my teacher------------- Assignment: 09.23 Creative Poem Assignment 6 Comments: Randal, You did an incredible job with your creative poem assignment! I liked your use of figurative language. It allowed me to imagine what was going on. Recheck lines one, two, three, four, and six. Where is your simile for line one? I did not see a third person pronoun for line two. There was no word from plot mentioned in line three. What exactly is zone? I don't know how that really gives me a setting for line four. Where is the allusion for line six? Please correct this poem and resubmit it with a 2 in the assignment name. Thank you! Grade: Correct this / 75

(1 saw me | defy gravity) stupid online school bullshit. [13 Nov 2005|09:13pm] Question 3 (Worth 1 points) You should avoid other students because they might share their test anxiety. True False Points earned on this question: 0 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ My answer to this question was FALSE because it is bullshit for school to tell you to avoid people before a test. Hide in a little cacoon so your grades wont suffer. I got it wrong.

(2 saw me | defy gravity) [30 Oct 2005|11:54pm] [ mood | Thug as fuck ] [ music | "Detroit City" -eminem & D12 ] I don't know how I am still employed at IKEA. I call out on average once every two weeks. Just a month ago I just didn't show up on a Saturday closing shift. I called out Wed. because I had "strep." I called out the following Saturday because I was still in recovery. By the way, I'm already on "final warning" for fucking up 4 or 5 times too many in an eight month period. So i get to work Sunday, 2 hours early accidently and my boss just gives me a smile. 2 hours later when I realize I had gotten to work, 2 hours too early, I saw her and explained this incident. She smiled and said, "well I guess you owe me." And walked off. I was expecting to get fired when I walked in the door. Thats why I applied at Java Jive on Saturday. But here I am again, defying the limits of IKEA's tollerance.

(1 saw me | defy gravity) [18 Oct 2005|09:28pm] I'm watching C-SPAN right now where President Bush is giving a speech addressing drugs and immigration. He's talking about how much they need to strengthen border patrol and how hard they have been working to stop illigal immigration. He keeps giving a bunch of figures about how many people they have stopped from crossing. "Since 2000 we have removed over 7 million illigal immigrants." He goes on the explain that most of them are mexican. It's dawning on me, haven't they had these problems for decades? For years the government has been saying we need to strengthen border patrol. And everybody says they are catching more each year. Within 30 years you would think we would be better at catching illigals, but we still have to waste hundreds of millions of dollars to "further national security."

(15 saw me | defy gravity) the suns coming up, as we're coming down [16 Oct 2005|02:25am] [ music | "for once in your life" -the jealous sound ] Once upon a time, in a town not too different from this one, there lived a boy. This boy was not too different from any other normal boy you know. Nothing great, nothing terribly bad, just normal. His name was Bronco. Bronco spent his childhood eagerly awaiting a better, older time. A time where his present self seemed to be a faint memory in a clouded mind. A time like now. Growing up never seemed to happen to Bronco. He was always waiting for it. As high school began, Bronco boldly explored all different aspects of this new found territory. The place of so many cool rated “R” movies, family friends stories, the place of cool older kids. This new lifestyle introduced Bronco to new varieties of friends, and things to do at night, other than playing computer games with his uncle. He learned what pot was and even drank alcohol a few times. He tried sports, but it just didn’t seem to be his thing, probably because he was very little and poorly motivated about physical activity. Possibly a trait never acquired in his childhood due to lack of a male role model, possibly not. Soon after that, Bronco’s friend Peter got him to come out to something completely new and exciting. It was called theatre and Bronco was skeptical. But one night Peter dragged Bronco to IHOP with all the other theatre kids, and Bronco realized something amazing. Sitting a few seats away from him were cool cats like Anna Hall, Rachel Olay, and Tom Peterson, and Jack Walsky. “Wow” Bronco thought to himself, “I’m hanging out with all those cool seniors, and they’re nice to me!” From that day Bronco was devoted to what had become his newfound love. Tom Peterson, who came to be somewhat of a mentor to Bronco, always invited him to come out to eat with him, which meant a lot. Made Bronco actually feel a bit cool and accepted. School ended, as did summer, and Bronco entered his second year of high school. Feeling like he had a bit more street cred, It was time to be a badass. Bronco felt cool. Tom Peterson was gone, but Jack Walsky had one more year, and Bronco began to look up to him. He was really cool and funny. Jack smoked a lot of pot. Bronco began to flirt a lot with this senior Delilah. He and she hit it off pretty well and within a month Bronco was in what he considered, a real relationship. For 5 months Bronco was really happy, and then suddenly, it was over. Enough was enough. Bronco was now smoking quite a bit. Bronco continued to smoke throughout that school year, and heavily over the summer. That summer he experienced more illegal and inappropriate things than he should have, and recognized his stupidity. Bronco was now a junior in high school, and realizing all too much. It wasn’t until this year, that he spent all his down time, philosophizing, along with getting high. Realizing all too much. For example, slowly, he had become as something he had no idea he was. He had alienated his family, wasted all his money on getting high, and earned himself a reputation that other kids had, not he. This honestly innocent, sweet, kind boy realized that he not longer acted like that person. Yet, he still thought he was. Going to school high, he could see now how kids looked at him differently, maybe not down, but not how he had hoped they would when he was an eager freshman. “What had he done?” he asked himself. He was supposed to be a leader, and he’s led others down his path. “What a fuck-up” he chuckled to himself, “wish they knew I still felt like that innocent kid on the inside.” And just like that, he knew it. He understood. He had taken an exciting, but wrong turn somewhere long ago.

(10 saw me | defy gravity) [15 Oct 2005|02:19am] [ music | "i know i can" -nas ] so randal has a girlfriend...

(2 saw me | defy gravity) here's a thought [25 Sep 2005|09:54pm] [ mood | fuck yea ] [ music | "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant" -Billy Joel ] Driving home from work tonight, I was listening to the song "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant" by Billy Joel. I had some odd thoughts and put entirely too much effort into them, but gradually they started to make a pointless choice that nobody would care about. I'm sure you wont, but fuck you, here it is anyway: When I die, at my funeral I would like a slideshow to be shown, with just 2-5 second video clips of my life going to "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant." There just the right amount of somber and up-beat points. You could really show a lot of diverse moments in your life. The best, worst, most awkward, funniest. And in the end, everybody would be like, "fuck yea! his life was tight!" instead of the usual downer mood. Of caurse everybody would be drunk like all the other family funerals i've been to, but still.

(1 saw me | defy gravity) [11 Sep 2005|11:01pm] tonight was the first time my mother, father, and i have spent more than 10 minutes together in the same room since before summer started. makes you remember the little things you miss out on.

(10 saw me | defy gravity) [25 Aug 2005|12:03am] [ music | none ] <center>I Miss....   Chelsea Marks reminding me that I am a Freshman. Making Katie drive me everywhere Tent parties IHOP Liking work Ashley E. Looking up to someone Lima My healthy lungs Caring about school Writing Being excited for the future--

(9 saw me | defy gravity) Another shitty IKEA story. [17 Aug 2005|09:57pm] [ music | something cool ]      So the Carts/FSHO (Full Service Hand Out) department had a team bonding social to stregnthen trust and friendship at the Arizona Rock Gym tonight. 3 of the managers came as well. My really hot boss, Christine, my really really hot bosses boss Tillie, and the little Philipino guy Erwin. They felt that by helping eachother clime walls, we would be able to rely on eachother more.      It got me out of work for a night, and hey, free rock climing!      I can't imagine what I'd have to do in life to end up 30, divorced, and managing 16-19 year old guys who push carts and the worlds largest commercial furniture store. And them have to come up with teem bonding exercises.      So we all met up at Ikea at 5pm. There we were; myself, Mike Burt-17yrs. "Rabbit", Jacob Smith-19yrs "Yakko", Andrew Queala-20yrs "Q", "Rafael-late 30's "Raf", Sean-19, Eddie-19, Ryan-16 "Ryan", Mario-mid 40's, and Mike F.-17 "Fabio". Looking with awe at our two hot bosses withof those disgusting recycles cardboard material Ikea jeans. It was awesome.      We went over some new rules and shit, yadda yadda yadda, now I have an all store meeting to attend to in a few weeks, but whatever.      So after our quik meeting we go off to the gym and watch some cool instruction video that looked like it was filmed with a shitty home video camera in 1992. It was actually kind of funny becuase the guy staring in the video about saftey, was actually working at the front desk that very moment.      After the Gym I was asked by Mario, the 40 something year old Mexican mad that knows about 10 English words, to give him a ride back to Ikea.Good thing I got a B in spanish 3-4!     "Si" I told him.      As we drove home he continued to pry into my personal business. I was listening to Snoop Dogg and he tried to explain that he liked rap. Then he asked me if I liked Marijuana. I said it was "okay." He said it was very good. He then proceeded to tell me that snorting coke once or twice a week was okay. I told him no. He said "Everyday, malo." But me just once a week, in the most horrible spanglish accent you could imagine. I was suprised to make out as much as I did.      We got back to Ikea before closing. The parking lot was a mess, carts and trash everywhere. All the cart guys were at the rock gym, so the managers got cashiers and the childcare workers to get carts for the night. We chuckled.      Thats right bitches, now tell us our job is easy!

(10 saw me | defy gravity) [13 Aug 2005|02:04am] So today was pretty shitty: -Bunch of guys called out of work, so this guy Andy and I had to clear the entire IKEA parking lot on our own, making me get out almost an hour late. -Got a speeding ticket. -My best friend is in Pinetop. -Fuck this.

(3 saw me | defy gravity) [03 Aug 2005|03:03am] It's just one of those days. -Woke up at 10, sore from yesterday, and went to the Pointe with my family for brunch. -Worked 4:30-10. Pushed carts in the rain for 2 of the hours. Couldn't have been more wet if I had jumped into a pool. I swear to God, no joke, I saw a lightning bolt strike the IKEA parking lot while I was getting carts. It was amazing, and fucking scary. -Got a sweet new program for my computer thanks to Tay. It allows you to create your own beats using tons of different sounds. -Got bored and tried to write a song...came out...eh not so well: I’m tryin’ to figure out What this is all about. I’m tired of listening, To the same goddamn things. Something needs to change And I think it’s time to exchange…. You for something new. Your blue eyes swell, and send me to hell Your pure lips quiver, and force me to shiver I do not know, why this’ so hard. But you can bet for sure, in the end we’ll both be scarred. I think I’ve found the cure, but it’s so obscure You say that I’m unsure, but you’re just immature. You cry it is premature, I shout baby I can’t endure. You lying, cheating bitch it’s over for sure! So I guess this is my break up song, We’ve just been holding on for too long. Did you really think it would work out? You know we took the wrong route. You get me in trouble, you make me unstable. You are unable, to explain without fables. Every time I’m around you, I just want to argue. Every day the same issues, well sweetie we’re through. I think I’ve found the cure, but it’s so obscure You say that I’m unsure, but you’re just immature. You cry it ispremature, I shout baby I can’t endure. You lying, cheating bitch it’s over for sure! Girl nobody’s perfect, but you are a wreck! -Hung out with Mike and Ben a bit ago

(1 saw me | defy gravity) [01 Aug 2005|10:31pm] So today: -Had a BBQ at Gregs with the band and Timmy, minus Jess who is in Cali. -Skateboarded down Tapestry Canyon with Timmy while Mike, Slade, and Greg waited at the top. -Went down again, fell, cut my right elbow, right knee, and right hand...bruised my tailbone, and smacked the back of my head on the pavement. But it was pretty tight. -Lost my keys at Tay and Adams. p.s. my new camera broke so I took in back for a refund. Racheal Mason you were right, beware of sonly exilum!!!

(defy gravity) [31 Jul 2005|07:26pm] HA mike got into a car accident, with the curb. Love you bro.

(3 saw me | defy gravity) [27 Jul 2005|02:22pm] Last night Mike, Heather, Ash, Kylee and I enjoyed the best fucking concert ever. Anger Managment 3 was sick!

(4 saw me | defy gravity) insomnia [26 Jul 2005|04:10am] It's about 4:15 on tuesday morning. I havent slept since 9am sunday morning, where I got and incredible 5 hours of sleep because that night I had gone to bed at 4am. Tomorrow is the 26th, 'er well I guess today is the 26th. That means that tonight Mike Kitlas and I will be at cricket pavillion enjoying the sweetest rap concert ever, Anger Managment 3! The officers of MPTC for 2005-2006 have a meeting today at 12. We are to meet our new sponsor, Doug...something. Hannah's kicking me off...meanie

(6 saw me | defy gravity) Happy B-Day [21 Jul 2005|12:16am] [ music | "I Just Wanna Love You" Jay-Z ] So it was my dads birthday today...naturally Mike came over, ate dinner, and celebrated my dads birthday with us. He chilled with my uncles too. Now he's sleeping over. Yesterday morning my parents said I wasn't going out for 5 days. I've been out the last two nights. Heh.

(5 saw me | defy gravity) Poon [19 Jul 2005|06:02pm] Mike and I are the best role models for Connor. No joke!

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